Best Funny Facebook Status Sayings
2195 Funny Facebook Status quotes by 404 unique authors
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If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own…
— Socrates
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I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
— Socrates
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How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.…
— Matt Groening
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
— Rita Rudner
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Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery
— Leonardo DiCaprio
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You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
— H. L. Mencken
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If you look after goodness and truth, beauty will take care of itself.
— Eric Gill
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True love is like a pair of socks: you gotta have two and they've gotta match.
— Erich Fromm
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I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato
— Will Ferrell
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He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
— Larry the Cable Guy
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If I spit, they will take my spit and frame it as great art.
— Pablo Picasso
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I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.
— Matt Groening
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Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.
— Dan Castellaneta
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Never moon a werewolf.
— Mike Binder
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
— Art Buchwald
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Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
— David Letterman
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Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
— Will Rogers
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A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't
— Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
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A good conscience is a continual Christmas.
— Benjamin Franklin
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A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body.
— Benjamin Franklin
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A place for everything, everything in its place.
— Benjamin Franklin
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A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things. There will be sleeping enough in the grave.
— Benjamin Franklin
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A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.
— Benjamin Franklin
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A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
— Benjamin Franklin
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Love is metaphysical gravity.
— R. Buckminster Fuller
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404 authors contributed a total of 2,195 Funny Facebook Status Quotes, led by these top contributors: