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Funny Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke
- It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you.
- Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem.…
- Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.
- Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about.
- I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words,
- Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
- Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.
- Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.
- People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
- Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less.
- Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!
- Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
- Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
- Never fight an inanimate object.
- Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
- Never wear anything that panics the cat.
- There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
- Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
- I read good. I was an English major.
- I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements.
- I'm a rather decisive type.
- Satire doesn't effect change.
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More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin