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Funny Quotes by Jack Benny
- I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
- Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
- I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go…
- If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.
- A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
- Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin