Deep Thought Quotes

444 Deep Thought quotes by 83 unique authors

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning,… — Jack Handey
Martha says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Martha. Grow up. — Jack Handey
If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that… — Jack Handey
I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the… — Jack Handey
I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they… — Jack Handey
It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Martha cook up about a hundred drumsticks, the the guy at the… — Jack Handey
I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way, they'd still be… — Jack Handey
Anytime destruction of another is needed in order to advance one's own aims or goals, then the goals need to be reevaluated. — David White
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only… — Jack Handey
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man,… — Jack Handey
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. — Jack Handey
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his… — Jack Handey
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe… — Jack Handey
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring… — Jack Handey
Blow ye winds, like the trumpet blows; but without that noise. — Jack Handey
The old pool shooter has won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did… — Jack Handey
Even though he was and enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he… — Jack Handey
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make… — Jack Handey
Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opened wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and… — Jack Handey
It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running… — Jack Handey

Who Wrote These Deep Thought Quotes

83 authors contributed a total of 444 Deep Thought Quotes, led by these top contributors: