Day Card Quotes by Joan Rivers

More Quotes by Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers has 250 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, 'Marry him. You'll double your wardrobe.'
• I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke.
• We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then…
• Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's…
• Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most…
• I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.
• Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
• I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
• At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!
• A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and…
• My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.
• I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

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