Comedy Quotes

2637 Comedy quotes by 1344 unique authors

Two wrongs do not make a right; but three rights make a left. — George Lopez
Actors are so fortunate. They can choose whether they will appear in tragedy or in comedy, whether they will suffer or make merry, laugh or… — Oscar Wilde
You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone. — John Madden
When machines fail, when technology fails, when the conventional religion fails, people have got to have something. Even a zombin lurching through the night can… — Stephen King
NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new study has shown that half of American high schools agree… — Bill Maher
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people. — Chelsea Handler
riley: give me a romantic comedy any day. rhoan: your jest a girly-girl at heart, arent you? riley: takes one to know one, bro. — Keri Arthur
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game. — Chris Rock
America is a wonderful country! I mean it! No honest writer would challenge that statement! The human comedy never runs out of material! it never… — Tom Wolfe
People either have comedy or they don't. You can't teach it to them. — Lucille Ball
It's so laughable that it's somewhere beyond comedy and right into tragedy again. — Libba Bray
I love America and I hate it. I'm torn between the two. I have two conflicting visions of America. One is a kind of dream… — Unknown Author
Riots and comedy are but symptoms of the times, profoundly revealing. They betray the psychological tone, the deep uncertainties....and the striving for something better, plus… — Frank Herbert
The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions — Bill Hicks
There's something vile (and all the more vile because ridiculous) in the tendency of feeble men to make universal tragedies out of the sad comedies… — Fernando Pessoa
once you laugh at you own weaknesses, you can move forward. Comedy breaks down walls. It opens up people. If you're good, you can fill… — Goldie Hawn
I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies. — Craig Ferguson
And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,' he added thoughtfully. 'We'll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher....… — Joanne Kathleen Rowling
Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say. — Craig Ferguson
Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always… — Dylan Moran
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent. — Steve Martin
You are a manipulator. I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer. — J R Ward
It sometimes seemed to him that for love to work, it had to be fair, that he should tell only half the joke, and she… — Tao Lin
He is a [sane] man who can have tragedy in his heart and comedy in his head. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another… — Chelsea Handler

Who Wrote These Comedy Quotes

1,344 authors contributed a total of 2,637 Comedy Quotes, led by these top contributors: