Comedy Quotes

2637 quotes by 1393 authors

I went to a performance-art high school, and a teacher there was signing me up for open-mic nights at the comedy club. I think about… — Margaret Cho
Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited. — John Cleese
A joke is a very serious thing. — Winston Churchill
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot… — Tim Allen
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. — Tim Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height. — Woody Allen
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. — Woody Allen
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. — Woody Allen
Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one? — John Cleese
When the target audience is American teenage kids, you can have problems. My generation prized really fine acting and writing. Sometimes you have to go… — John Cleese
I think you can write very good comedy without a partner, but what I love about it, working with a partner, is that you get… — John Cleese
When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke,… — John Cleese
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit… — Woody Allen
That's also why comedy and horror are my two favorite genres of film to write, because you get these outbursts of emotion from people, laughter… — Diablo Cody
I think there are opportunities for women in comedies - how zany is up to them. — Jennifer Aniston
That's what I hate about a lot of comedies, when you're hitting a line or making it funny. — Jennifer Aniston
Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true. — Aziz Ansari
You know, I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to… — Fiona Apple
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball. — George Carlin
Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. — Horace Walpole

Who Wrote These Comedy Quotes

1,393 authors contributed a total of 2,637 Comedy Quotes, led by these top contributors: