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Back Quotes by Jack Handey
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the…
- Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back.…
- If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and…
- If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it,…
- To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time…
- When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, the gathered together one evening, slapped each other on…
- Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's…
- As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning,…
- It seemed to me that, somehow, the blue jay was trying to communicate with me. I would see him fly into the house across the…
- If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
- If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of parasite, because this is the part where I…
- I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.
- I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb…
- After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, "Hey,…
- It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just…
- Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly Head". Normally,…
- If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip. Even if they smash you, ick!,…
- As the light changed from red to greeen to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more…
- Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in…
- I wonder if the polite thing to do is always the right thing to do. When I met the family from Japan, they all bowed.…
More Back Quotes
- In 1994, when I went back to Haiti from exile, we established a Commission for Truth and Justice and Reconciliation. I passed… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- I wanted to get back to my style of 20 years ago after a long period of exploring horror and fantasy themes. — Dario Argento
- Yes, all fundamentalists feel that in a secular society, God has been relegated to the margin, to the periphery and they are… — Karen Armstrong
- It's frightening how easy it is to commit murder in America. Just a drink too much. I can see myself doing it.… — Wystan Hugh Auden
- Look back over the past, with its changing empires that rose and fell, and you can foresee the future, too. — Marcus Aurelius
- We owe gratitude to France, justice to England, good will to all, and subservience to none ... it was by the sober… — Thomas Jefferson
- The angel brought you back." "Because you asked him to. You could have anything alse in the world, and you asked for… — Cassandra Clare
- Sometimes I Dont Know Why I B0thered To Love When I Know For A Fact That It Will Always Be The Same… — Unknown Author