All P.J. O'Rourke Quotes
- Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people… Addiction
- Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. Beliefs
- Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. Boy
- The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama… According
- The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the… Crabgrass
- Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. Becomes
- If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words,… Adult
- Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. Difficult
- When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. Bought
- Never fight an inanimate object. Advice
- Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. Always Read
- You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. Asking
- Never wear anything that panics the cat. Animal
- Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is… Any
- America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased. All
- In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of… All
- Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. College
- I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us… Been
- The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or… Absolutely
- Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present. Flattery
- You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money. Economics
- Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. Atheist
- Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him… Carefully
- The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you… All
- A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than… Greet