Lundy Bancroft

“When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to…

— Lundy Bancroft

“Your abusive partner’s cycles of moving in and out of periods of cruelty can cause you to feel very close to him…

— Lundy Bancroft

“The central attitudes driving the Victim are: Everybody has done me wrong, especially the women I’ve been involved with. Poor me. When…

— Lundy Bancroft

“Alcohol does not a change a person’s fundamental value system. People’s personalities when intoxicated, even though somewhat altered, still bear some relationship…

— Lundy Bancroft

“The man’s rights and the woman’s rights are the same size. They have the right to have their opinions and desires respected,…

— Lundy Bancroft

“He knows he used to be able to control you with charm, affection and promises. He also remembers how well intimidation or…

— Lundy Bancroft

“The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were…

— Lundy Bancroft

“Each human being deals with hurt or resentment in a unique way. When you feel insulted or bullied, you may reach for…

— Lundy Bancroft

“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and…

— Lundy Bancroft

“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in…

— Lundy Bancroft

“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and…

— Lundy Bancroft

“As I have explained in earlier chapters, abusiveness has little to do with psychological problems and everything to do with values and…

— Lundy Bancroft

“The central attitudes driving the Player are: Women were put on this earth to have sex with men—especially me. Women who want…

— Lundy Bancroft

“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have…

— Lundy Bancroft

“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have…

— Lundy Bancroft

“A home where a woman is abused is a small-scale model of much larger oppressive systems that work in remarkably similar ways.…

— Lundy Bancroft

“I have sometimes said to a client: “If you are so in touch with your feelings from your abusive childhood, then you…

— Lundy Bancroft