“Attorney ethics is a contradiction in terms, and its nonexistence is well documented.” — Jarod Kintz Contradiction Copy Share Image
“I sent him a silent message with my body language, but he must be deaf—or, rather, blind.” — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“A telephone cord used to make an excellent leash on people. Now metal chains work better.” — Jarod Kintz Animal Copy Share Image
“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.” — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“18 rules for not getting caught. 1-17: don’t tell anybody. #18: not even your clone.” — Jarod Kintz Rules Copy Share Image
“I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.” — Jarod Kintz Island Copy Share Image
“If pens doubled as bullets, I bet few writers would want to write about war.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If trees had love, instead of leaves, I’d gladly rake you into a pile on my lawn and fall into you.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“In a victory speech, I like to thank the opposition, because without their help, I couldn’t have won.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“If flip flops were oppressive, I wouldn't wear any. I'd go around showing of my bare feet of freedom. And I'd tell… — Jarod Kintz Bare feet Copy Share Image
“My voice is raspy, like Rasputin’s beard. My love is like a mustache hidden in a patch of armpit hair. Come, feel… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sell tickets to a new sport called Glurping. If you think it sounds disgusting now, wait… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On is to no, as Dora J. Arod is to Dora J. Arod. And brick is to blanket, as Dora J. Arod… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Somebody took my bicycle tire, my bicycle seat, and both my pedals. They stole my whole unicycle!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How to grow up slowly and secretly, not all at once like lunch in a condom, that is the essence of politics.… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I’m always 15 minutes early for everything. In fact, I was born 15 minutes early. That’s why my love is always a… — Jarod Kintz Early love Copy Share Image
“If you were running away from me, down a straight hallway with an oiled hardwood floor, and I had a machine gun… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“It was one-way glass, and I was on the inside and she was on the outside. She was looking at me with… — Jarod Kintz Confidence Copy Share Image
“The idea of a belt holding my pants up seems so 20th century. Imagine a world where your pants are held high… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to replace the brother you never had. Well, it’s only a possibility, but you probably won’t like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t swim, because despite my love being shaped like Michael Phelps, it’s so heavy it’s like an anti flotation device. If… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If I wouldn’t have looked under the hood, I’d have never noticed the problem. But as far as I know, the problem… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Im trying to overcome my OCD by replacing my neurosis with three other letters. — Jarod Kintz Neurosis Copy Share Image
“Politicians give criminals a bad name. A bad name like a bad word like shit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is your bed big enough? Because if it is, I can always join you and crowd it up a bit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Like the ocean I wave. Hello and goodbye are the same, when I talk with my hand.” — Jarod Kintz Ocean wave Copy Share Image
“I always thought I’d make a great backup singer. I don’t practice. It’s just pure talent.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Clone One’s last name will be Martz. Clone Two I’ll call Martinez.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I don’t know where, but I know how and why. Two out of three out of six ain’t bad.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I peed in the sink. Why? Because there was already someone in the shower.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t chug the hairspray because I’m an alcoholic. I drank it to style my throat hairs.” — Jarod Kintz Wine Copy Share Image
“Five minutes ago it was five minutes late, and my watch is five minutes slow.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
