“I’d like to make a statement, and I’d like to make it out of my own small intestines.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The devil appears in many forms, but the most nefarious of all are tax forms.” — Jarod Kintz Devil Copy Share Image
“I want to go back to weighing 165 pounds. Let me take off my clothes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Half man, half woman, hermaphrodites are 100% love—self love.” — Jarod Kintz Hermaphrodites Copy Share Image
“I wear my shirts backwards and inside out. It helps give my genitals more breathing room.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was able to preserve my integrity, in jars along with strawberries.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s money to be made with a name like Cash. I should print myself into popularity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Having sex on a motorcycle wouldn’t only be exciting, it’d be dangerous. What if while we were parked we got broadsided by… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’re distant cousins. He’s my first cousin, but he’s 5,000 miles away. And he doesn’t talk much.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My asshole is supportive of me. No matter what, good or bad, it’s always right there behind me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not a king, but you can call me His Royal Hoorayness. If you did that, I’d be excited enough to deserve… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Labels are necessary, for dating purposes. I’m not talking about gay versus straight. I’m talking about milk versus its expiration.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I’m on the road, Butte is 58 miles away, and I’m driving 85 mph. So I should be there in an hour.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For most Americans, money and calories are always on their minds, although they burn too much of one, and not enough of… — Jarod Kintz Americans Copy Share Image
“Love can make people do crazy things. I once saw a man streak down Blanding Blvd. with only a banana peel stapled… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What you wear is more important than what you say, and if your shirt’s not pressed, impressions are instantly formed about you.… — Jarod Kintz Nudists Copy Share Image
“I want to write a universal truism that won’t be blurred by body language, cultural confusion, or translation mishaps, so I want… — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“The bad news is most of my books are ebooks and aren't for sale in brick-and-mortar bookstores. The good news is that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The reason we talk with the same part of the body we eat with is because if we tried to eat with… — Jarod Kintz Tongues Copy Share Image
“In the 48 hours following my discovery of her infidelity, I found out she’d been with three other guys—two of them being… — Jarod Kintz Conjoined twins Copy Share Image
“I won an Oscar. I Won it in a raffle. It’s a replica, but I still gave a teary-eyed acceptance speech. I… — Jarod Kintz Acceptance speech Copy Share Image
“At first, the drudgery of mastering your craft is a prison—boring, slow, and with an awareness of how much time you’ll have… — Jarod Kintz Crime Copy Share Image
“I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue.” — Jarod Kintz Make believe Copy Share Image
“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I had the gift of flight, would you try to turn me into duck soup?” — Jarod Kintz Gift Copy Share Image
“Music is inaudible to deaf people, just as dancing is invisible to me.” — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“If I hung out with my clones all the time, would I be introverted or extroverted?” — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“To live up to its name, softball should be played with a human testicle.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My ex girlfriend was exquisite, and my current one is quisite.” — Jarod Kintz Ex girlfriend Copy Share Image
“I have a fist like a brick, but I don’t punch through walls—I build them and become them. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. I’m standing on the board right now.” — Jarod Kintz Monopoly Copy Share Image
“I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he was drunk.” — Jarod Kintz Drunk Copy Share Image
“Sitting down never feels so great as after standing for eight hours on someone’s testicles.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
