“A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a tablecloth, and a brick left as a tip. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It’s a cold world out there. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d use my shadow as a blanket, but it’s too cold. It’s a shame, because it’d fit snuggly over my body.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a cat. Wait, I have that backwards. A cat could be used as a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift. If that sounds unbelievable, then try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to wipe away my tears. But it’d better be a blanket the size of America, because I’ve… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to suppress the will of the people. Every politician needs to keep this in mind when trying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be considered part of performance art, if you’re inconsiderate and steal all the covers while we’re asleep—and film me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to battle the cold, but not battle an army with swords, bayonets, and other sharp objects (unless… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be folded up and kept in the trunk of my car, in much the same way that I do… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to teach geography to a sleeping man. Better do it quick, before he wakes up and finds… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used to keep politicians warm, when we kick them all to the street. They’ll be warm, but they’ll be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket can be used as reasons to go on searching, when you’ve found all the obvious applications for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to represent a thing. Now this thing is curious, because it represents an idea. This idea is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a blanket could be used to keep one person warm, then it stands to reason that all the blankets in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a tarp over one of those tiny circular inflatable pools for children. Well, you might call… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blanket could be used to form a new word—tenkalb—which in turn could be used, or not used at all. But that’s not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
