Best George Carlin Words
- If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire. Back Set
- In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman. Atheist
- When in comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion. All
- My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.' Ago
- They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't in it. You… All
- If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Air
- The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced… Asshole
- Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch. Dog
- With humans it's abortion, but with chickens it's an omelet. Abortion
- There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting! Dance
- O. J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers. Already Received
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Inspirational
- One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put… Clock
- Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out. Ah
- When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber. Caliber
- I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars. Book
- They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old fashioned, but I… Airport
- I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea. Bad
- And this should go without saying. That's why I'm going to say it: Drinking and driving don't mix. Do your drinking early in the morning… Drinking
- I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so. Big
- If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side? Climbing
- As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing. Belief
- I'm tired of hearing about innocent victims. It's fiction, If you live on this planet you're guilty, period, f*** you, next case, end of report.… Birth
- An art thief is a man who takes pictures. Art
- We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place. Company
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