Best Elayne Boosler Sayings
- Incredibly, almost every hotel I ever played in Vegas was blown up shortly afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The… Afterward
- It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities… Baton
- My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to… America
- Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George Washingtons,… Abe
- We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a… Anyone
- When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for… Across
- When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for… Became
- While editors and newspaper owners currently fret over shrinking readership and lost profits, they do the one thing that insures cutting their own throats; they… Attracts
- Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't… Actor
- Wouldn't it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, 'Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and… All
- My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor. Brother
- We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can… All
- People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the… Baby
- You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number. Cash
- The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs… Anymore
- A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat. Cat
- I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out. Grandma
- There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it. Born
- When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Depressed
- Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower. Alone
- For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton. Carton
- I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city. Best
- I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners. Cleaners
- I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. Been
- When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Another Country
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