“I want to write an unreliable narrator. In fact, he’ll be so unreliable that I’m not even sure he’ll show up to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Writing is the art of remembering and forgetting. You must forget what you’ve already written, because if you’re dwelling on your old… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can’t write with dry ink. Likewise, using another author’s dried words to make your writing more fluid is not only dishonest,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“All my best writing was written before 1982, and then a significant event happened to me: I was born.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I only need to write about 3,000 one-liners a day to produce a million jokes a year. Simple. I’ll just get started… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As a writer, I need more exposure. I think I’ll take off my pants. Would you mind if I kept my penis… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People always see me writing and ask me if they can read my writing. The answer is yes, after I publish it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t like writers whose writing is so obvious that I can predict what he’ll write while I’m still taking in his… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a chicken story, starting from scratch, and my handwriting is chicken scratch so it’s perfect.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I had eyes that changed colors from blue to gray, and then after I cried, to all the colors of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wear a helmet when I write, because if you’re doing it right, writing is dangerous.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This is what I believe to be the progress of a writer. You write 10 things, of which one of them will… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“All my writing is translated from Gibberish directly into Nonsense. So if my writing offends you, then don’t blame me—blame the translator.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you have Microsoft Word, you can become a writer tonight. Just start typing!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I should charge my bank money every time I endorse the back of a check. What is the going rate these days… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Orafoura told me my writing is all nonsense. “Nonsense,” I replied. “Glad you agree, “ he said.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I may have written this before, but I may not have written it as well, so I’ll write it again.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A Cyclops on a unicycle juggling three giant eyeballs couldn’t compare to the balanced vision my writing presents. In fact, noted linguist… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bestseller doesn’t necessarily mean good writer. I think it takes 10,000 book sales to make the bestseller’s list, and at about 9… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
