North Korea announced that they have nuclear weapons and they have no plans to give them up. The White House, acting quickly,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The White House announced plans to begin normalizing relations with Cuba - this as we're awkwardizing relations with Russia. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The meeting with Prince William took place at the White House because Prince William wanted to see where the president spent his… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Betty White met with President Obama at the White House. President Obama invited Betty personally because she's great with animals. And the… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty.… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
