Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
POVERTY, n. A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“So I say a name, even if self-bestowed, is better than a number. In the register of the potter's field I shall… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PLUNDER, v. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft. To wrest the wealth of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INCOME, n. The natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability, the commonly accepted standards being artificial, arbitrary and fallacious; for, as… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
