The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you know President Bush has been traveling around the country trying to sell his new Social Security plan. He wants to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a penalty for trying to knock down a cockpit door, but it's the people who try to go from coach… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Political analysts say that President Bush's re-election strategy is to try and convince Americans that he's a war president. I don't get… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Scientists say that Texas and Antarctica were connected at one time. In fact, early Mexicans used to go through Texas to try… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Nike actually has a pair of shoes called Air-Turbulence. Try getting past airline security wearing those. Might as well call them Air-Osama. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush appeared with Arnold Schwarzenegger at a huge campaign event. Only in California can a governor who speaks German and a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Have you noticed how the Republicans and Democrats try to copy each other at their conventions. Like at the Democratic convention John… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Here's the latest from the Pentagon -- the generals are worried that the White House is spreading itself thin by trying to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you think of life as like a big pie, you can try to hold the whole pie and kill yourself trying… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
US officials have now approved the first anti-obesity drug for dogs. I'm no a veterinarian, but if your dog is over eating,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I'm trying to sum up President Obama's first 11 months in office. He gave billions to Wall Street, cracked down on illegal… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It seems that researchers at Colorado University say wine may help people lose weight. It's not the wine directly that causes the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
