[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't think drugs are a problem; I think they're a symptom. As long as Americans are empty, spiritually, emotionally, morally empty,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was trying to get out of the night clubs and was thinking maybe I'll go to the colleges now; that's where… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I love individuals. I think people are terrific as I meet and get to know them. I like imagination. I like the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm not in show business because I don't have to go to the meetings, I'm just not a part of it, I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think everybody should be able to do anything they want and let roving bands of people punish each other for things… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Not so you'd really notice it of course; just… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Someone said, and rightfully, that "property is theft'." There's no way a man can stand and tell me that he owns an… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Think of how strange we'd look if all the cuts, burns, scrapes, bruises, scratches, bumps, gashes, and scabs we ever had suddenly… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
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