I like good ideas. I don't want just do something for it's own sake to bother people, but if I can bother… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They've never had rights. There's no such thing. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Sometimes, after I'd gone at the coke like one of those snow plows moving up First Avenue, I'd think my heart was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I suspect there really was more to my accident than bad luck. I think it was God's way of punishing my nose. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Everything that you know about yourself comes from thinking back, and I think I saw religion as the first big betrayal of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
