I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?' — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
