My policy is I am always more than happy to say, "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." What I am not… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sam Harris made that great analogy. He said, 'If someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?' — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
And he said that 47%-that's pretty high-47% of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And then he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
London. Another terrorist attack and ISIS claimed credit. I am surprised because I thought we had wiped out ISIS on day one… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Ronald Reagan was an anti-government, union-busting, race baiting, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-intellectual, who cut rich people's taxes in half, had a incurable case… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The other financial genius, John McCain, said the fundamentals of our economy are strong, and then yesterday he wanted to fire the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
But I've often said that if I had – I have two dogs – if I had two retarded children, I'd be… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'm guessing our soldiers are happy to be leaving Iraq. It is no fun being in a country where there's crumbling infrastructure… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Reverend Ted Haggard's followers still think he's not gay. I'm not kidding. In their world, there are no gay people. There are… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'm not defending what Cory Booker said. I'm saying I understand why he has to kiss the asses of the rich people… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
That Mitt Romney, he is a master campaigner. This week he was introducing his wife, and he said, 'She is the heavyweight… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Eunice Kennedy Shriver, President Kennedy's sister, endorsed Arnold Schwarzenegger, said he's not a womanizer. Of course by Kennedy standards that means he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee and Tom Tancredo - those were the three guys who said they do not believe in evolution. The… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When I do stand-up around the country, I often see people walk out. This is a show that they've purposely gone to,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Democrats are very bad at selling their own product. The Republicans are geniuses at it. And I've said it before, a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Arnold was on the 'Today' show today, he was a little light on specifics. He said he could solve California's $38 billion… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
