“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to have five or six wives, and a few dozen sheep, all for my pleasure. I should be a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just because I look like John Wayne (at least my liver looks identical to his) doesn’t mean I play cowboy with politics.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I first heard Twilight was a book about vampires that sparkled in the light and shape shifters/wolves eager to assist the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If your favorite politician got ran over by a bus, I’d express my condolences by telling you I know how you feel.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I’m asleep I’m a politician, and when I’m awake I’m a criminal. Throughout the day and night, my mentality never changes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll give you a treat to get in your cage. I’m rewarding you for punishing you. Who am I? If you guessed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Abstain from reading comedy or other government economic statistics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Jarod Kintz is a friend, a lover, and a loner. Jarod Kintz talks about Jarod Kintz, because Jarod Kintz has nobody else… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Politics is scripted for maximum shock that will lead to gossip and speculation. We are living in a sketch comedy zone. Everything… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Governments are nothing more than elaborate Rube Goldberg apparatuses, operating with absurd inefficiency. Why walk ten steps when you can make it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like when wind works. But in this depression, does anything work? If it’s not unemployed, it’s broken. When I hear the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make the world safer for our children. Well, not our children, as I don't actually have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as food for thought. Every politician should chew on that. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s disturbing to me that criminals are freely roaming the streets of our nation’s capital. I’m not talking about escaped prison inmates—I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thing to do. Remember, I was the one… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream, the passenger seat of my car was a toilet. I guess I was on my way to pick up… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think it’s OK to rape as many people as possible, and that’s precisely why I’m going into politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems ridiculous, but I’ve always wanted a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s not really masturbating if you’re jacking your clone off. It’s more like politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I say we cut our government in half, with a chainsaw along their waists.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Politics isn’t dirty. And neither are politicians. No, politicians are filthy.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Politics are like shoes. On one side you have the left, and on the other side you have the right. And every… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
