I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I didn't know that being in a relationship meant you had to be nice. I thought it meant you had to hack… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
The one who cares the most wins. ... That's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared an intimate… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It's a mind-expander, which is part of why it's illegal and why… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
“I consider myself to be apretty good judge of people...That's why I don't like any of them.” — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
