I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“I’ve always admired parents who discipline their children in hushed whispers: “Arthur, you are a naughty boy for turning on all the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
