My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory.… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way,… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
