What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your whole life...? Take… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I like to say two things in life that mean the most: genetics and luck. When you look at it realistically, genetics… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take buy by the moments that take your breath away — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Females create life, males end it. War, crime, violence, are primarily male franchises. Man shit. It’s nature’s supreme joke. Deep in the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Life is sacred? Who said so, God? Hey, if you read history you'll realize that God is one of the leading causes… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
