Mom: Hey honey, who are you talking too? Me; My boyfriend. Mom; Don't lie to me you fatass! You're ordering pizza aren't… — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
One of the stock Sydney jokes is of the census-taker who enquires: 'How many children have you, ma'am?' 'Two living and three… — Elspeth Huxley Copy Share Image
You who have suffered so much do not want to be with the kind of person who makes "black widow" jokes to… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
There's just something wonderful about a cold, clear winter morning that makes you want to slow down and take time to stop… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why are you making a joke out of this?" she asks. "Because it's stupid, Nik. There's not even room in my day… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
I now have two different audiences. There's the one that has been watching my action films for 20 years, and the American… — Jackie Chan Copy Share Image
The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It… — Evan Dando Copy Share Image
And there's so much extra material. I mean, I've certainly read as you asked about do I read reviews and stuff, like… — Nicholas Stoller Copy Share Image
I distrust Great Men... I believe in aristocracy, though... Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all… — E. M. Forster Copy Share Image
Did I have a heart to be contented? Well, no, not particularly. I had a tendency to be discontented: ambitious, dissatisfied, fretful,… — Gretchen Rubin Copy Share Image
George Lowe was the one who opened the mail, and George started laughing uproariously and I looked up at him in astonishment… — Edmund Hillary Copy Share Image
Husband : Why did you give so much money to the beggar who was pretending to be blind? Wife : Didn't you… — Syntific Copy Share Image
Nate Silver says this is a 73.6 percent chance that the president is going to win. Nobody in that campaign thinks they… — Joe Scarborough Copy Share Image
That's what happens with most comedies. If you watch 10 minutes and there's no joke, then you're disappointed because you're expecting jokes.… — Quentin Dupieux Copy Share Image
When I first started doing my stand-up act, I played the banjo, did comedy, magic tricks, juggled, read poetry. I stuck it… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
“Second star to the right-" "-and straight on till morning? Yeah, I've heard that one before. Lit of the Ancient Homeworlds 101…” — Linnea Sinclair Copy Share Image
I was born in Alabama. I was raised in Georgia. I'm so Southern I'm related to myself. I have a 12-year-old daughter.… — Brett Butler Copy Share Image
I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't… — Matthew Perry Copy Share Image
I think you actually get a kick out of being disappointed and under-achieving, because it's easier, isn't it? Failure and unhappiness is… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
I was just, you know, kind of getting racist jokes, kind of being isolated from the group. So it was definitely hard.… — Gabby Douglas Copy Share Image
One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me...… — Duane G. Carey Copy Share Image
“Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a… — Ron White Copy Share Image
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in… — Steve Harvey Copy Share Image
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
“Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.” — Louis C.K Copy Share Image
[Some people think] that storytelling is telling jokes. So they have to be discouraged! Then others think that storytelling-is like an encounter… — Doris Lessing Copy Share Image
I definitely script things out. I definitely write things down and try to write jokes. Often, they're terrible. I often write terrible,… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
I enjoy darker sardonic wit more than knock-knock jokes. I spent the first healthy chunk of my career playing all-American, pleasant, average,… — Neil Patrick Harris Copy Share Image
People are making these jokes about ours being the PC 'Snow White,' where it's like, yeah, it is - because it needed… — Rachel Zegler Copy Share Image
In one decade, women had gotten more protection against offensive jokes in the workplace than men had gotten in centuries against being… — Warren Farrell Copy Share Image
So, great. This is Camp…what do you call it? Camp Fish-Blood?” Aphros frowned. “I hope that was a joke. This is Camp… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I joke that I reached the bimbo trifecta when I came to Fox News! In being a former Miss America, being blonde… — Gretchen Carlson Copy Share Image
I was feeling guilty in the beginning; it was frustrating to be successful when a lot of my friends weren't. Also, I… — Cindy Sherman Copy Share Image
The joke was that President Bush only declared war when Starbucks was hit. You can mess with the U.N. all you want,… — Chris Kyle Copy Share Image
Anybody can make jokes. But unless they come from conviction, and there's truth in them, you haven't nailed it. They aren't as… — Dan Jenkins Copy Share Image
When I was governor, if I told a joke in front of the press - I learned. I would go, "That was… — Jesse Ventura Copy Share Image
Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
![“[Some people think] that storytelling is telling jokes. So they have to be discouraged! Then others think that storytelling-is like an encounter group . . .” quote by Doris Lessing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/46e/doris-lessing-501_discouraged_some-people-think-that-storytelling-is-t_2911458.jpg)
