What I find shocking is that there's this thought process that Hillary Clinton is going to be president of the United States,… — Steve Bannon Copy Share Image
On 'Late Night,' it's like we're all in on the joke. That's what I wanted it to be. I'm not doing something… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
“Where have you been?" he asked slowly. "Um, in the bathroom, mostly," Larry said. Let's just say my plumbing is not working… — Kevin Sylvester Copy Share Image
So, whenever Scooter was the Pilot, he never had a chance to fly the orbiter. So, the joke is: I'm going to… — Duane G. Carey Copy Share Image
People ask me to tell a joke or entertain at a benefit or something, and they are really surprised when I tell… — Demond Wilson Copy Share Image
In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
“You, Stan, are covered with dirt and leaves.'' ''I just applied for a job as a tree,'' I said. It made so… — Sean Beaudoin Copy Share Image
I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I thought I m in love, My nites going sleeples My days going useles So I askd GOD Is dis LOVE? God… — AB Copy Share Image
Some girls too day crazy how can she do such a thing,WHAT HAPPEN? she just pollute the meeting room!!,WHAT DID SHE TAKE… — Juniorjk Copy Share Image
I'm a storyteller in a joke format. I tell stories, I try to have a lot of jokes constantly through that story.… — Nate Bargatze Copy Share Image
As much as we joke around about 'The Bachelor' being the most dramatic show ever, Miss America really is an amazingly dramatic… — Chris Harrison Copy Share Image
All the time the joke is that the word "mine" in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being… — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
If a condescending joke is truly funny, make yourself the subject- you will increase the number of people laughing by at least… — Joe Harsel Copy Share Image
“Consider the Jewish joke, with the old lady running distractedly along the seashore: Help! My son the doctor is drowning. Amusing, I… — Martin Amis Copy Share Image
I don't do plays without jokes anymore. I've retired from those plays. I think it's bad manners to invite people to sit… — Bill Nighy Copy Share Image
My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
There are certain types of stand-up, who are very successful, who do one type of joke, and never stray out of that.… — Sean Lock Copy Share Image
I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I… — Thom Yorke Copy Share Image
“And you think, “I wish God was my boss. That would be awesome. He wouldn’t care about my sales sheet. He would… — Jon Acuff Copy Share Image
My favorite show tune has got to be Stephen Sondheim's 'I Remember Sky.' It's probably the saddest song of all time; I… — Laura Benanti Copy Share Image
People have been known to joke that my lifelong love of portal fantasies was born, at least in part, from the fact… — Seanan McGuire Copy Share Image
I like when people are trapped in the joke, when there's no escape. I like to lead people down the wrong path… — Paul Mooney Copy Share Image
If you've got 300 people in the room and you tell a joke, a hundred laugh, a hundred smile and a hundred… — Chris McCausland Copy Share Image
With some of the journalists, I've known them for years now, and I kind of consider them like my friends, so I… — Naomi Osaka Copy Share Image
“There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I think that the joke and the ghost story both have a similar set up in that you kind of set something… — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
“Okay. I guess I’m just having a little trouble getting this all straight.”“It’s not ‘straight’ -- it’s gay. That’s why you’re having… — Bobby Michaels Copy Share Image
“Naturally Teseo had a joke about all the government promises to increase housing construction: “If there were no future tense in Spanish,… — Regina Anavy Copy Share Image
Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
Written by the ancient Chinese philosopher of the same name, the 'Zhuangzi' is one long perplexing puzzle of a rambling collection of… — Patrick Stump Copy Share Image
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a civil engineer. No joke. I would come home from school and… — Bitsie Tulloch Copy Share Image
I know what's funny, and I probably know the best way to deliver the joke. Whether it's walking out of a room,… — James Burrows Copy Share Image
In fact during 'Rock On,' there were so many women on set that sometimes we used to joke that if this becomes… — Prachi Desai Copy Share Image
I've had times where I've joked, like, 'I'm going to move to Vermont and become a painter.' And sometimes that joke felt… — Kate Micucci Copy Share Image
I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000, but I will not make that mistake again. The joke is over for Nader. He… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
It's important to remember that life is a joke, and that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but I don't think comedy… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
Chemar Holder plays Xbox with me online all the time but it's not like any of us are going to be buddy,… — Jofra Archer Copy Share Image
I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny...I do… — David Rees Copy Share Image
“You should write a book," Matrick suggested. Kit snorted. "Who wants to read the self-pitying lamentations of an old revenant?" "There's your… — Nicholas Eames Copy Share Image
![“All the time the joke is that the word "mine" in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything. In the long run either [Satan] or God will say "mine" of each thing that exists, and specially of each man.” quote by C. S. Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/eea/c-s-lewis-2-132_gods-will_all-the-time-the-joke-is-that-the-word-m_2193820.jpg)
