Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's. — Jonathan Tropper Copy Share Image
It would be a joke to compare Gerd Muller to other strikers. What he achieved, the number of games and the goals… — Miroslav Klose Copy Share Image
Guys joke with me that Milwaukee is one of the worst NBA cities, but I take pride in being from Milwaukee. — Kevon Looney Copy Share Image
It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
After more than half a century (Sleeping Beauty), Disney finally know what the meaning of true love (Maleficent). — Alvin Copy Share Image
“Where have you been?" he asked slowly. "Um, in the bathroom, mostly," Larry said. Let's just say my plumbing is not working… — Kevin Sylvester Copy Share Image
What the joke displays is a switch in perception. This is important in changing the way we think. — Edward de Bono Copy Share Image
In 2005, the Iraq war was entering its third year and no one believed that we were going to find WMDs any… — Jesse Armstrong Copy Share Image
It's not a joke, you could actually lose your life literally because you've got a dark skin. It's awful. — Alison Hammond Copy Share Image
Challenging someone is good. You need to do it. Sometimes they don't even realize you're doing it, like when you joke with… — Sidney Crosby Copy Share Image
The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He… — Dick Cavett Copy Share Image
If I go and buy a coffee, and somebody asks me what I do, I'll say, 'I find asteroids.' And the first… — Carrie Nugent Copy Share Image
Let's be completely honest: the Trump campaign's social media was a joke. — Mike Cernovich Copy Share Image
I have some bad feet. But really, my main fault would probably be my personality. A lot of times, I am not… — Tim Hudson Copy Share Image
I tend to have a lot of jokes about ex-girlfriends. They always ask me if they will be the subject of a… — Adam DeVine Copy Share Image
They film 'Midsomer Murders' near our village, so we joke that if ever there was a murder we'd call for DCI Barnaby. — Tony Hadley Copy Share Image
My first manager, he had left Germany when he was five, but he would joke about the Nazis. And I'd laugh, but… — Michael Keaton Copy Share Image
“The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.” — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
Often women are pitted against each other for an easy joke, so they fight or steal each other's boyfriends. That's not really… — Hannah Simone Copy Share Image
With anything you put out there, you're going to offend somebody, but most people get that it's a joke, that I'm playing… — Trevor Moore Copy Share Image
You can sometimes sneak a political joke in, which is sometimes the most effective place for a political joke - when it's… — Jeremy Hardy Copy Share Image
