I didn't know if I could be funny on stage or write a joke. But I saw that there are no rules.… — Kumail Nanjiani Copy Share Image
“Once you even acknowledge that there is a line, that there are things you shouldn’t be allowed to joke about, that there… — Al Franken Copy Share Image
If mini skirts today get any shorter... women will have two more lips to paint, two more cheeks to powder, and a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is a tragic kind of joke. You really can't keep a man down - good but often otherwise - because history's… — Wesley Morris Copy Share Image
It doesn't mean you can't discuss important things, but I would never do a joke about cancer, just because I don't think… — Jon Richardson Copy Share Image
There's been lots of theater that uses hip-hop in it, but more often than not, it's used as a joke - isn't… — Lin-Manuel Miranda Copy Share Image
I remember when I first walked into an American locker room, and no one had ever seen a 130-pound wrestler before. Those… — Rey Mysterio Copy Share Image
I think so much of kids' television, kids' entertainment, is done by adults from a looking-back point of view. If we come… — Dan Schneider Copy Share Image
“Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
My biggest superhero of writing is Jorge Luis Borges, the Argentine fabulist. He's an amazingly perceptive writer, but also willing to make… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
There was an April Fool's thing that I totally fell for which was this kit were you could grow grass on your… — Alana Haim Copy Share Image
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical,… — Alan King Copy Share Image
“You can't deal with being odd? ... Become like them... Become drug delear... Live their lifes... have fun ... and be honest...” — Deyth Banger Copy Share Image
If you're not going to give a smile, you can not, some lukewarm, if it is not possible to hear a joke!… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
“You'll have to excuse Zo's manners. She was raised by a group of indigenous swamp wallabies and is at times uncomfortable conversing… — Jennifer Lynn Barnes Copy Share Image
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I like to joke that I already married a 26-year-old and divorced a 29-year-old, so I wasn't going to do that again… — Grant Show Copy Share Image
It's like a cosmic joke that people dream to perform in front of a huge crowd. But it is a welcomed challenge.… — Julien Baker Copy Share Image
“GRANDMA: Are you a gay? ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she's a man? *She… — Scarlett Brukett Copy Share Image
“Each one you take is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the gods of alcohol will punish you with a hangover… — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
The whole time that I was doing the voice of Korra, I would always joke around saying that nobody's gonna give me… — Janet Varney Copy Share Image
“Hey,” he said. “Hi.” Oh, damn. It was awkward. “What’re you doing?” “Shearing a sheep. It’s cold outside, and I need a… — Chanelle Gray Copy Share Image
If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or… — Amy Carmichael Copy Share Image
I'm not good at telling a joke, but I can say a line in a certain way that makes people uncomfortable because… — Walton Goggins Copy Share Image
I do a joke in my stand-up where I say I'm a Christian, but I'm not a Christian comedian. I think that's… — Anjelah Johnson Copy Share Image
'The State' had never done improv. We used to go over scripts for weeks and argue about every joke. But I don't… — Robert Ben Garant Copy Share Image
Some People Don't Know When To Open Their Mouth And Talk. They Don't Know When To Start And Stop. They Don't Know… — Sabelo Lan Mashabela Copy Share Image
“Yeah, go ahead and get the forbidden garden comment out of your system. And no matter what witty snake joke you're considering?… — Leah Clifford Copy Share Image
I have been recording every single one of my shows since 1994. Every single joke I've ever done is on a hard… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
You can't wait forever for an audience to get the joke, but you should give them at least two seconds to join… — Franklyn Ajaye Copy Share Image
“The great joke is that the next time is never like the last time, and yet we can’t help readying ourselves for… — Peter Lynch Copy Share Image
Stewardesses were a joke to many of us coming of age in the liberated Sixties. They were no joke in the women's… — Cathleen Schine Copy Share Image
The opening scene in A New Hope, when you see the huge ship, it goes on, and on, and on, and on,… — Cass Sunstein Copy Share Image
“On his good days, he tried to teach me everything he knew." "What about his bad days?" "On his bad days, he… — Sage Blackwood Copy Share Image
“Piper: it looks like we have hole. Percy: Yeah we've got a dam hole! (LOL-ing) Piper: What! Percy: Inside joke. (still LOL-ing)… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
A joke is a good camouflage. Next best comes sentiment... But the best camouflage of all - in my opinion - is… — Max Frisch Copy Share Image
Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry… — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
There used to be an old bad joke. I hope it's not so much a good joke anymore. 'Everybody's from Scranton; no… — Joe Biden Copy Share Image
I realized that you didn't have to make self-deprecating remarks or turn yourself into the butt of some unspoken joke. I also… — Maeve Binchy Copy Share Image
“It sometime occurred to him that for love to work, it had to be fair, that he should tell only half the… — Tao Lin Copy Share Image
