We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the road is… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“But our leaders can’t tell the truth. We won’t let them. We’ve created a society where the politicians aren’t allowed to criticize the people.… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
