“Now the only thing we have on our hands is too much time, and we’re turning on ourselves.” — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“I also remember it was Sunday night because that was the time I felt most depressed and vulnerable. Somehow have a moment… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved.… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“You measure a good song the same way you measure architecture, fashion, or any other artistic endeavor. Time. You know when you… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the road is… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“But our leaders can’t tell the truth. We won’t let them. We’ve created a society where the politicians aren’t allowed to criticize the people.… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
