Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the road is… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“But our leaders can’t tell the truth. We won’t let them. We’ve created a society where the politicians aren’t allowed to criticize the people.… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
