All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I mean, we sit around and we go, you know, 'Torture doesn't work.' Well, it's been around for 5,000 years. Most stuff… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the road is… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“But our leaders can’t tell the truth. We won’t let them. We’ve created a society where the politicians aren’t allowed to criticize the people.… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
