You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should also sort of… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the road is… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“But our leaders can’t tell the truth. We won’t let them. We’ve created a society where the politicians aren’t allowed to criticize the people.… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
