Humour Quotes · Page 31

“Go fuck yourself Judge." "Motion denied." answers the judge dryly.”

— Jodi Picoult

What we need are lots of girls who aren't as good as us, who'll treat us with the proper respect and reverance.

— David Norwood

“It's time to shop high heels if your fiance kisses you on the forehead.”

— Amit Kalantri

“Anyone who thinks money can't buy happiness has never owned a cat [or any pet].”

— Arya Riverdale

“May a man live well-, and long-enough, to leave many joyful widows behind him.”

— Roman Payne

“The only possible society is oneself. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

— Oscar Wilde

The liveliest effusions of wit and humour are simply what the reader of a novel has a right to expect.

— Howard Jacobson

Nowadays tournaments are for nurseries. Look at those kiddies.

— Miguel Najdorf

“Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“It was here in Mayfair, that adjectives such as gracious elegant sophisticated and sublime trip off the tongue like coins into a…

— Tyne O'Connell

I think optimism and humour are key words for me to make the films accessible, which means they can really travel and…

— Eran Riklis

“It is a building designed by committee: all they have been able to agree on is that it should be rectangular, have…

— Max Barry

I'm discovering there are innumerable ways to package, promote and sell my humor, as long as I reserve a little for myself…

— Anonymous

“Don't mind Russ," he says. "He's a good kid underneath all those holes, although it's a wonder he doesn't spring a leak…

— Sara Gruen

“She bared her teeth at me. “Screw you, shifter!” “Ah, is our honeymoon period over so quickly? You wanted to jump my…

— Cori Moore

“Foolish potato, talking to her like that won’t work. You’ve got to be mean and show off your foil-wrapped rigidity.”

— Michael Diack

“He was lonely. I could see that. He was working his butt off-and mine, too-in the hope that a million rupees might…

— Frank Kusy

“There was a group of fans who wanted autographs, and several women who managed to write their phone numbers on Wade's hand…

— Jill Shalvis

“Phileas Fogg, having shut the door of his house at half-past eleven, and having put his right foot before his left five…

— Jules Verne

“Has no one done my son a service and assassinated you yet?" "No assassins yet," Wit said, amused. "I guess I've already…

— Brandon Sanderson

“She was to my ego what Rasputin was to morality, whittling away at my self-image with menaces and put downs viewed as…

— Tyne O'Connell

Not all journalists are really journalists. They ask such stupid questions sometimes, especially the newer ones, and because... these people can't tell…

— Ray Liotta

“A great blow it was,' he said in expensive tones, 'worthy of the mightiest warrior and truly struck upon the nose of…

— David Eddings

“I had made an early policy decision to drink the native beer despite the undoubted horrors of the process of fabrication. On…

— Nigel Barley

“I was not dressed crazily - I was dressed as a horse. And for a very logical and sane reason.”

— Diane Messidoro

“Tiny," Sanya rumbled to Michael, clenching a demonstrative fist. "But fierce .”

— Jim Butcher

“You think we 're both fifty shades of fucked up, don't you?" - "Nah, not that bad. Maybe twenty-five shades.”

— Laurelin Paige

“If a wizard should take up residence in your garden, and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.”

— Mark Jackman

“Although your marrows look very good, it’s not them I’m interested in..” (The Honesty Box) Love Potion”

— Samantha Bacchus

HELPED are those who laugh with a pure heart; theirs will be the company of the jolly righteous.

— Alice Walker

Cant Satan just apologize to God so that we can go back to Eden and live naked... Clothes are expensive...

— Mercy Pheona

Our sense of humour is complementary. I'm populist; and Paul's more sophisticated.

— Harry Enfield

“You're going to love him. The two of you share the same fashion sense.”

— Becca Fitzpatrick

I've always been an optimist and I believe laughter is a wonderful thing

— Alice Herz-Sommer

“The more you read, the less you sound foolish when you speak.”

— Amit Kalantri

“Okay, guys. Stop it. Are you going to start peeing on me to mark your territory?”

— Maegan Lynn Moores

“I had walked all over the fragile bloom of his heart like a Boadicea in Blahniks”

— Tyne O'Connell

I don't want to sound facetious, but humour is the key to the soul. You know what I mean?

— Martin Lawrence

“I am a ginger tom. I am a boy racer. I am a housewife. I am a pain in the arse.”

— Joan Ellis

“Tom. Tom, look at me. Has Nora agreed to marry you?" "No, but she will because she has to.”

— Robyn Carr