Humor Quotes · Page 1,311

I love this life, because I am a human being and it sure would be nice, I think, to preserve it. But…

— Elizabeth Lesser

“That's when it hit me. I had to go through a lot of bad relationships first, but I'd finally found him. My…

— Cindi Madsen

“Would you like to hear more romance of the evening? He told me that the Guard should be reduced by half, and…

— Megan Whalen Turner

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

— Doug Stanhope

“Wow!" He uttered, not understanding why he said it. Lost for words, he decided to smile back at her, rather than appear…

— Nicholas Chong

Welcome To Karachi' lets me try finer comedy.

— Jackky Bhagnani

“At 5.45 a.m. the important scientists finished their coffee and played rock paper scissors to see who had to phone the government.”

— Mitch Benn

“Did you ever meet someone who either had no sense of humor or was never serious, you couldn't tell which?”

— Jerry Stahl

“You drink milk out of the carton while in your underwear?" Alex laughed. "You've never done that? Gotten up in the middle…

— Nichole Chase

People who can dance and sing are often very good at comedy.

— John Michael Higgins

Every since it started snowing, my little brother has been looking through the window, guess it's high time I let him inside

— Avalon

I consider myself a bit of a comedian. I write a lot of humorous songs.

— Brad Paisley

It requires a lot of courage for someone to cast me in something else. I am just hoping that someone sees something…

— Chunky Pandey

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

— P. J. O'Rourke

“I am a great believer in only worrying about those things we have control over, And we have no control over this…

— Comte De Saint-Germain The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel

A lot of comedy clubs are set up with people sitting at little tables and you have everything from the way they…

— John Mulaney

When I had my Comedy Central roast, David [Spade] was my first choice to be roastmaster, because I adore him. He's funny…

— Rob Lowe

Comedy should be easy, not laboured.

— Tracy Morgan

The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.

— Cassandra Clare

Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for their love, so I think you can at least answer my text message.

— Anonymous

I get along really well with Lars [von Trier] but definitely during our first meetings I was feeling him out and he…

— Kirsten Dunst

“Bream Mortimer was tall and thin. He had small bright eyes and a sharply curving nose. He looked much more like a…

— P.G. Wodehouse

I'm always blown away by stand-ups. I'm blown away by people like that who are craftspeople at comedy.

— Kathryn Hahn

“Flying is simple. Hitting the ground is hard”

— Josh Stern

“This boy was so far out of my league it was embarrassing. I found myself staring at him, trying to find some…

— GJ Walker-Smith