I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
People are too lazy and too stupid to think for themselves that we've got sitcoms with canned laughter that lets you know… — Marilyn Manson Copy Share Image
“Some girl named Eva has him convinced that you put out after one beer." "What?" My voice was as shrill as the… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
“Dogs kind of default to making friends unless provoked. Cats seem to default to making enemies unless convinced otherwise.” — Perry Elisabeth Kirkpatrick Copy Share Image
I can cry at the drop of the pin. But comedy is hard for me; it's the timing. — Moira Kelly Copy Share Image
“Society never made the preposterous demand that a man should think as much about his own qualifications for making a charming girl… — George Eliot Copy Share Image
“No need to take it out on me that you're so wrinkled you have to screw your hat on.” — Suzanne Wright Copy Share Image
“Okay, I should probably mention right here that Brandon used the real word, but this is my story, so I'm cleaning it… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
What's the trick to writing a genuinely funny comedy? The trick is therapy. Take notes. — Lake Bell Copy Share Image
If I find something funny and make an older woman laugh, I love that for some reason. — Nathan Fielder Copy Share Image
I think it's actually a misperception that I am a comedic actress. I do more drama than comedy but very little of… — Octavia Spencer Copy Share Image
“Don't be so sure,' Cassie said. 'We're fighting for Mother Earth. She has some tricks up her sleeves.' 'Good grief,' Marco said.… — Katherine Applegate Copy Share Image
“Ethan: "Abstaining definitely doesn't work." Beth: "what do you suggest?" Ethan: "We're obviously going to have to make love often, but keep… — Lucy Monroe Copy Share Image
Showrunner I admire: Weiss: "All friendship bias duly acknowledged: Rob McElhenney and the guys at 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' have been… — David Benioff Copy Share Image
That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
“Newt was sitting on the ground with Frypan and Minho, all three looking as if they were waiting for the end of… — James Dashner Copy Share Image
“Love is a temporary insanity that could last lifelong, if you don’t marry the person who caused it.” — Abhaidev Copy Share Image
“Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Let’s form a committee tasked with exploring why committees are so ineffective. Then we’ll stand-back and watch it argue and self-destruct.” — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
Most people don't realize this, But you can actually go to the gym without telling Facebook about it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think comedy evolves constantly. I reinvent myself all the time. I always find a way to entertain myself because I truly… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all… — Mike Stud Copy Share Image
“[Hades] returned his attention to the playlist while I eased the car back on the road. His fingers flipped deftly over the… — Kaitlin Bevis Copy Share Image
