That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Comedy can be quite all consuming at times, and if you're not careful you end up doing a tour, then a DVD,… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
The point with me is that it's always been, even with the stand-up, that the music has to be right. You have… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight! — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Twenty-two years I've been doing this comedy lark, so it's been like a meteoric rise to fame... if the meteor was being… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I hate getting ill, it irritates me so I try to stay reasonably healthy. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to do that… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I don't think any comic could say there isn't a bit of them that doesn't want to show off. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!! — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
