LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Worms'-Meat, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PIG, n. An animal ("Porcus omnivorus") closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however,… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, author of 'Cogito ergo sum' to demonstrate the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“But as records of courts of justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“TRUTH, n.: An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch--as cunning… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REACH, n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists,… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Idiot - A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
