It is amazing how much more amazing sleep is in the morning. You wake up and you're like, "I stayed up to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Hey, every once in awhile the secondary form works better than the original but it's certainly a rarity. — Jaime Hernandez Copy Share Image
Herman Cain was unaware that China is a nuclear power. And I said to myself, 'Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar? — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: "Hey, this isn't the dress rehearsal, this is life and… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
How come they don't think you can handle a new story out of the blue on the TV news? They gotta make… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
When you think about normal advertising, it's just like, hey, here's a car and, you know, we don't know if you're looking… — Tim Wu Copy Share Image
If people think I am gay, yeah, hey that doesn't bother me. Not at all. What would people think? To me I… — Jason Priestley Copy Share Image
I love stories of female empowerment. I love stories of, "Hey, I'm an ordinary person." "No, you're not!" I love stories about… — Joseph McGinty Nichol Copy Share Image
Twitter is basically text messaging. Twitter is a guy you can always elbow in the side and say, "Hey, look, a guy… — Chris Hardwick Copy Share Image
When they were small and my wife really had no other responsibilities, except taking care of the family and all of us,… — Joe Mantegna Copy Share Image
I can look at cancer as a disease that picks me out and 'why me,' or I can look at it through… — Melissa Etheridge Copy Share Image
Hey Tony [Schiavone], I'm glad to see you back, especially after seeing your front. — Jim Cornette Copy Share Image
Show a little faith there is magic in the night. You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright, and that's alright with… — Bruce Springsteen Copy Share Image
I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Katie Dippold, who I wrote the script with, she's very into ghosts and all that. So I go, "Hey, why don't you… — Paul Feig Copy Share Image
Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time. Me (Ilona): ... ~A… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
Hahahaha me and my grandpa are crazy lol funn story so we were on a trip and I seen him flexing in… — James Copy Share Image
Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I never want to be told, "Hey, this is what you do best, and this is the only thing you're going to… — Mark Wahlberg Copy Share Image
I was asked this morning if it was frustrating to be 13-1 last year and not have more recognition and I said,… — LaVell Edwards Copy Share Image
If someone says, 'Hey, I ran 100 miles this week. How far did you run?' ignore him! What the hell difference does… — Bill Bowerman Copy Share Image
Well I should be sitting in an air-conditioned office in a swivel chair, talking trash to the secretary. Saying, hey now mama,… — Jim Croce Copy Share Image
Hey, you want to hear my philosophy of life? Do it to him before he does it to you. — Budd Schulberg Copy Share Image