My doctor was checking my balls for lumps the other day, I think it got awkward when I ran my fingers through… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. No need to remind him every 6 months about it!.. — Joey Tribbiani Copy Share Image
My dad said to me son you must always tell the truth to be a better man unless if I want to… — Sikhwetha Maanda Stanley Copy Share Image
We've reached the age where we can't function without our glasses. Especially if they're empty...Cheers!!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when they use fake dinosaurs in movies.. I can always tell... — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
“Fuck. I don’t remember her being so scary. She’s got those momma eyes down to a T, yet, somehow...on her, they are… — Heather M. Orgeron Copy Share Image
“It didn’t take him thirty seconds to have a swig of vodka and a hefty sniff before his hands were as steady… — Matthew Bracey Copy Share Image
“If you have all the knowledge, but no personality, you are a specialist. If you have all the personality, but no knowledge,… — Douglas Kruger Copy Share Image
“I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one?… — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
Dear Phone, Maybe if you didn't light up so many damn times telling me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“GPS has saved countless relationships because us men do not like to ask for directions. Now if women could only come with… — Ken Poirot Copy Share Image
“A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably… — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
Oh, you hate when guys stare at your boobs? You should call the police and report the person who ripped your top… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My goal this year is to buy a prius so I can be the anti prius driver. Be like, yeaaaah, that's my… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
“We found Trent and pulled him off the leggy girl. “Trent, it’s time to get home before your parents realize we snuck… — Amanda Kelly Copy Share Image
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the shit you want!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You're asking the cyborg fugitive and the wild animal to be the welcoming committee? That's adorable.” — Marissa Meyer Copy Share Image
“Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning” — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
Dear Romeo, my death isn't the only thing I've been faking!..Sincerely, Juliet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People who wait for 4 hours to reply to text messages with LOL should be shot!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like to put things back where I got them from when I am done using them...so I dropped your mom off… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
Never Mind. Definition: You should've listened the first 5 times, bitch. — Alfonso Martinez Copy Share Image
