Alfonso Martinez

I clapped because it finished, not because I liked it

— Alfonso Martinez

Life is s( o )( o ) much funnier when you have a dirty mind.

— Alfonso Martinez

R.I.P. to the hoes dying for attention.

— Alfonso Martinez

That moment when you hear someone call your bestfriend their bestfriend and you're like…Ummmmmmm no bitch.

— Alfonso Martinez

Never Mind. Definition: You should've listened the first 5 times, bitch.

— Alfonso Martinez

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know, I have DirectTV.

— Alfonso Martinez