CHILD ME: wow when I'm a teenager I'm gonna go out with my friends at the mall and party and date hot… — Kezza Purdue Copy Share Image
Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me? Husband: I won't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I swear McDonald's ads be making stuff look good af' but once you get something in person you'll be like What the… — Lisette Alfaro Copy Share Image
Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
As bored and fed up as a grand national jockey reaching for top shelf porn — Sparki Dee Copy Share Image
Never underestimate the power of a girl and her ability to figure shit out. It's like they're the whole entire CIA in… — ViPham Copy Share Image
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Im literally my own best friend. I have inside jokes with myself, sometimes Ill start laughing out loud at how funny I… — Ted Copy Share Image
I think my parents are getting to think that my phone is my eye controller..if they take it away from me, I… — Syoung Copy Share Image
Hey I just Met you, Nd You Look Crazy, But Here's A Dollar, Go Feed Your Baby — Krystal Copy Share Image
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm ready to take our relationship to the level of appearing together in a Facebook profile picture. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep pressing the home button and Im still at work — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Did you know: Within 5 minutes of waking up, 50% of your dream is forgotten and within 10 minutes, 90% of your dream will be gone. — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
It takes 7seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of the penis is… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
