Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 89

I have lost my phone. Please call it so I can find it. -sent via Andriod phone

— Anonymous

I smile because you are my sister, I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!

— Anonymous

Why didn't you reply to my text? dude, how am I suppose to reply to lol?

— Anonymous

I want someone who can buy me a new car...

— Anonymous

Sorry you're old enough to fear seeing Facebook photos of your friends in bathing suits.

— Anonymous

Oh, you wanna argue? Bring it on! I GOT MY CAPS LOCK ON BITCH.

— Anonymous

Life's like your Ex-boyfriend it has it's up it has it's down but in the end you still finish it.

— Anonymous

You're the first boss I haven't wanted to push down a flight of stairs.

— Anonymous

That hilarious moment when someone tips the waiter with THIS!! Thanks!!!

— Anonymous

Just Got The Power Back On Here(: We Had a Bad Storm Knocked Down Alot Of Trees And Power Lines. But Everything's…

— Anonymous

It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny…

— Anonymous

So true xD

— Anonymous

Mom: When we get in this Restaurant you're 12, OKAY?

— Anonymous

And the end and the beginning where always there, before the beginning and after the end.

— Anonymous

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to be leglislation against it.

— Anonymous

I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

— Anonymous

When I was little sticking my tongue out was like giving some one the middle finger.

— Anonymous

There is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock.

— Anonymous

Please let me know if that work I spent sleepless nights on was good enough for you to take credit for.

— Anonymous

In life there's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot!

— Anonymous

People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.

— Anonymous

I hate when my dog watches me pick up his shit, I feel like his bitch.

— Anonymous

Whew. Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.

— Anonymous

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a glass of water. I'd drink it.

— Anonymous

Awkward moment when your teacher says your name and you look up to see everyone staring at you...

— Anonymous

The only thing I plan to accomplish at work today is to turn a gallon of coffee into a gallon of piss.

— Anonymous

Congratulations on being a veteran who served only in peacetime.

— Anonymous

Love it when someone's laugh is funnier that the joke.!

— Anonymous

Me: Hey I've never met you, Me: and I'm crazy, Me: I have your number, Me: I'll call you daily.

— Anonymous

This bad mood has been brought to you by the letters F and U

— Anonymous

Before Shaq retired, they should have made him play a game dressed as Kazaam.

— Anonymous

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

— Anonymous

I should really start going to bed earlier so I have more time in the morning to be late for work.

— Anonymous

There's something about him that always makes me smile

— Anonymous

Sorry the gynecologist will see more of my vagina this year than you will.

— Anonymous

It's a crazy society when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear, and girls wanna see a movie about strippers.

— Anonymous

If Monday was a girl; it would be that fat girl who likes horses & tells the teacher when you cheat.

— Anonymous

You say I'm a bi**h? Well a bi**h is a dog, and dogs bark, and bark is on trees, and trees are…

— Anonymous

Winner of Worlds Best Wife Award. Category; Nagging.

— Anonymous

The shortest horror story: The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.

— Anonymous