Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England". — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Valentines day are coming up and a German company has made chokolate in shapes of couples making love. I don't like them...… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today, you get better performance from a Ford Focus than a Ferrari from the mid-70s. [The Focus] is just as fast and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I saw something stupid in the paper today. A new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!' — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
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