If there are 2 people in an elevator, and one farts, everyone knows who did it — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off. — Steve Kluger Copy Share Image
I know that at one time, the Arctic was the tropics. And I guess I wonder what caused that? Was it dinosaur… — Ralph Klein Copy Share Image
It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“Listen: We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different!” — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
I make niggas eat dirt and fart dust, Then give you a $80 gift certificate to Pussies "Я" Us. — Ludacris Copy Share Image
“Gerry, you peed on Weems’s car!” I shrugged. It seemed like the thing to do at the time.” — Dana Cameron Copy Share Image
Dear person sitting next to me, just because I didnt hear you fart doesnt mean you didn't sincerly the only other person… — Unkown Copy Share Image
There are only two instances when farting and pooping in your pants is acceptable--when you are an infant, or are at Walmart. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Never, ever try to impress somebody. Be exactly the person you would be if you were alone or with somebody it was… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“... learning the knack of disconnecting her sense of smell, until she could switch it off like a radio and in the… — Salman Rushdie Copy Share Image
My ex-boyfriend didn't hear me fart once, and we were together six years. I hated the thought of grossing him out, so… — Emily Atack Copy Share Image
People are getting away from the whole album experience, it's true. I think that's sad. Maybe I'm just saying that because I'm… — Alex Lifeson Copy Share Image
Farts come from no one and nowhere; they are anonymous emanations that belong to the group as a whole, and even when… — Paul Auster Copy Share Image
“What the hell do you know? You don’t understand what Hollywood wants. I need to be skinny.” “Okay. Okay. How about a… — Elise Sax Copy Share Image
Spending so much time on the road, I get to fart all the time. Then when it's, like, Thanksgiving dinner and I'm… — Tom DeLonge Copy Share Image
People say that you always have to tell the truth. But they do not mean this because you are not allowed to… — Mark Haddon Copy Share Image
When I was at school I got lines for dropping a big squelchy, loud fart. My teacher, who was a priest, made… — Brian McFadden Copy Share Image
Old Testament, is really one of the most wickedest books you'll ever come across. God is an insecure, rage-filled hybrid of Bobby… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“I lent my ear to the patient's lips - so close that I could feel his fetid, warm breath on my skin.… — Carlos Ruiz Zafón Copy Share Image
“He thinks about it for a moment. "All right. I'll go firts" He takes a deep breath. Do you know what a… — Jamie Ponti Copy Share Image
In real life people fart, in the movies, people don't. Why not? Farts are a repressed minority. The mouth gets to say… — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
How can you feel like an actual member of society casting a vote for a president when in a professional interview you… — Kyle Kinane Copy Share Image
The devaluation of music and what it's now deemed to be worth is laughable to me. My single costs 99 cents. That's… — Vince Gill Copy Share Image
Harriet Jones: Did you notice when they fart, if you'll pardon the word, it doesn't just smell like a fart, if you'll… — Russell T Davies Copy Share Image
Let every fart count as a peal of thunder for liberty. Let every fart remind the nation of how much it has… — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
