You know when you're a kid and you think, 'Oh no, I've got double math, this is never gonna end,' but then… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be rich to the extent that all I care about is keeping… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Saudia Arabia takes in half a trillion dollars every year in oil revenue, and the country has a population smaller than New… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
From 1934 to 1963, the biggest criminals in America ended up on Alcatraz. Nowadays they end up on Wall Street. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
