Sometimes, at parties, people demand I tell a joke. It's like pointing a gun at my feet and telling me to dance. — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
To the newcomer to the south, hearing that a coworker plans a weekend visit to 'mama and them's' (the correct plural possessive, don'tchaknow), might… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
Pecans are not cheap, my hons. In fact, in the South, the street value of shelled pecans just before holiday baking season is roughly… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
“She suggested we 'crouch' buck nekkid on the bed or a dresser and leap out at him from the shadows. Now, my husband can't… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
“As far as I can tell, the biggest side effect of a gluten sensitivity is that you actually become the number one symptom: a… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
“If you buy an SUV, you're buying your safety at the expense of someone else's." ... If you're driving a Hyundai, which basically runs… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
“ [Home Economics Textbook from 1950] : "Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so you'll look refreshed when hubby comes home from work.… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
I have several close friends who have run marathons, a word that is actually derived from two Swahili words: mara, which means 'to die… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
And I reminded myself that it's easy to be grateful for the obvious blessings in life, much harder to be grateful for the tough… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
“Ever since they invented Hello Kitty, the world hasn't been the same. You can safely chart the rise of The Culture of Cute since… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
“I think it would be funny to have one of those family decals showing a really skinny teenage girl barfing into a little chalk-outline… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
“I feel guilty looking at those "People of Walmart" photos you see on the Internet. It's not cool to make fun of pitiful people.… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
“This phrase did not have the ring of verisimilitude because I am famously bad at math. If I'm in charge of tipping at a… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
Who can fail to mist at Fergie's anthem, 'My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.' Hmmm. 'My lunch, my lunch, I swear it's… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
I'm what is known as perimenopausal. "Peri", some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning 'SHUT YOUR FLIPPIN' PIE HOLE'. — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
![“[Home Economics Textbook from 1950] : "Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so you'll look refreshed when hubby comes home from work. Touch up makeup and put a ribbon in your hair. He's just been with work-weary people. Be a little gay. His boring day needs a lift." Mama Celia : "Get…” quote by Celia Rivenbark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/3d2/celia-rivenbark-15261_50-s_home-economics-textbook-from-1950-prepar_298746.jpg)
